Image via WikipediaThey say when a man’s father passes it is transformational unlike any other loss he may suffer. I’m here writing this 1o days after my Pop passed quietly in his sleep at the age of 89 so it’s hard to be angry or think he got less than a full ride in this life for he got extra miles that most don’t and he is now in a better place. As I documented in the companion to this blog, “A Caregiver’s Silence” I had said my “I’m sorrys” and “I forgive yous” to Pop during the six and a halfs I was his caregiver. I cried off and on the first few days and now it just comes in waves when I see something of his or remember he’s no longer with us. It’s not overwhelming as I had imagined it would be. I will go to his memorial service and speak about his life and our relationship and probably blubber like a baby doing so but that’s ok.
I just miss him.
The past 24 hrs has proven to myself that I’ve truly reached new depths of self degradation as the blur of negative behaviors and associated is like a cacophony of depravity with many old and new characters whom only serve to reflect their own inner pain into mine which doesn’t need any assistance at this point. I visited a deadly and lascivious old succubus drug of choice from the past today as I bought myself some grave site bouquets and used them in a back alley room with all light sources card boarded out with a veteran soldier of Ollie North’s gift to the ghettos of our land….once the biggest of them all now only a shell of it’s former glory much as those left still using it….was a trip down bad memory lane and actually served to only reconfirm that even after a decade or so of dormancy the gorilla’s been back there doing push ups all along.
Visited with a new positive and understanding friend who fed me and listened and cared what I had to say which was pure heaven and proof there there is yet hope for a new life so thanks to the tuna wielding bright spot of the day….can’t promise anything other than continued mutual admiration at this juncture but you , the critters and meal preparation reviews were all very positive and appreciated.